Remind yourself, and remind me. Nothing stands in your way; the highest of mountains melt away, and the sharpest of stings becomes nothing. I don't care where you end up, I care about what steps you took to get there. Aim high.

On a side note, I'm pretty sure that I make the minimums for a CRO right now, but minimums have never been enough. Not for me, and especially not for AFSOC. Except maybe pull-ups. I completely blow at pull-ups.

Having what it takes to get there is never the same as making it through. The PT starts now, but how am I supposed to prepare myself for something that is promised to break all of my expectations?

I kind of want new shoes. I haven't really done much shoe-shopping in my life, so I have no clue what I want...

I'll add more later, because it's 6:50 right now. I'd hope that as a person, I'd be strong enough to make the right choice when I'm faced with a difficult decision. I'm not going to be the same person I am today when I get to that point, and hopefully it'll be clearer to me by then, but for now I bear these things in mind. God has a plan for them and God has a plan for me, and all things will happen under His sovereign will. My pulling a trigger has been set into motion far before I even thought of it. I think the duty of a soldier is to face these burdens, such as survivor's guilt, or other guilts/emotions involved and I feel a lot safer knowing that I will be rooted in at least something when I have to fight off a tougher enemy than anything mortal. Knowing that, I gladly volunteer to be a leader amongst those who have heard the calling to serve. Somebody's got to do it, and I'd want their head screwed on right and their willingness to serve. I've seen a lot of people that perhaps I wouldn't feel so comfortable with, but they are mostly enlisted. All of the military officers I've known are sharp and quite normal.

Out of 8 students that were admitted to MIT, about 6 went to the naval academy. There's no difference in terms of who we are, it's just what we choose our job to be. I for one cannot stand the thought of my work and efforts only into making money or some rich person richer, and I don't want to waste my potential to contribute to something greater than, in my eyes, trivial and temporary. The skillset I will gain will be invaluable, the discipline and character something that cannot be replicated, and a greater understanding of myself, and what my purpose is. If someone asked me, "How can you save a life with a gun in your hand?" I would tell them it's because I'm the one carrying it, and not you. Bullets will fly, but they'll hit me long before they hit you. I do it for myself, as much as I do it for you. I have always responded to a calling to serve and protect. Though it has no sound, I've heard it quite clearly.

I was getting a bit off topic, anyways the thing is, I'm no fan of death. I don't seek it and I sure as hell don't belittle it, but I feel it's something we should learn not to be afraid of. As long as there are people in the world that are willing to take lives, there must be an equal amount willing to protect lives. There is no justification for murder, but taking a life isn't always necessarily murder.

The scope of death is also something I can't control. I didn't choose the billions of things that might lead me to the point of taking a life. I can't change the hatred some people hold, the political agendas that dictate the lives of many, or any number of things that cause conflicts in the world. Someday I would like to, but the first step to leadership is servitude. Jesus came to serve and sacrifice, before he led the world into a new age. Some day I would like the call the shots, and here is the first step I'm taking. Do I like war? No, I don't. But wars still happen, and while they're around, I feel compelled to serve, rather than sit. There are judgments and criticisms of the military to be sure, and maybe there will come a day when the military is not necessary, but unfortunately, that is not today. While a military is necessary, our efforts should be to change and improve it, rather than criticize and debase it. While Obama is president, we should hope for his improvement for any faults, rather than spread discontent. It only makes a leader's job more difficult if everyone just complains about his actions. I see two viable options: step up, or shut up. While I don't condone the military for everything it has done, I would like to be a part of those who reform and forge a new direction. Apparently, I've been deemed qualified to be in this position.

I think most people stumble too much with the mistakes and mishaps of the military, and polarize to that viewpoint. The essence of the redemption story is that evil does not nullify the light and good. One mistake I might have made in the past, does not affect what good is in me, and what good I am capable of in the future. The past is shed away, for a pragmatically progressive future, and looking forward to what things could be and how to get them there. There should be foundation from past actions, but give more credibility to the power of the present: change and hope. I know the military does bad things, but I also know it does good things. I also know that my judgments don't affect the true nature of anything, especially when it comes to people.

While there needs to be a president, support him. While there needs to be a military, support it. Maybe you don't agree with what they've done; I dislike much of what George W. Bush did. That doesn't mean I dislike presidency in general. I still believe there should be a president of the United States though, and I would like to see only good people in that office. I think the parallel applies aptly for the military.

The atrocity of war is beyond me. To get to a position where I can make the decisions and prevent unnecessary death and destruction, I have to become an officer of the military at a high rank, and most of those officers come out of the federal service academies. If I reach that position, maybe I will have some tough decisions to make. Sometimes you have to pick between the lesser of two evils, but does that make you evil? Rather, I think it takes a person of higher caliber to make the decision, of greater strength, and greater responsibility.

***

So actually thoroughly reading the comment that I'm responding to, I realize there are key points I cannot let through. What I interpreted this morning, seems completely different after my nap.

Firstly, feel free to share concerns, thoughts, wisdom, or any judgments with me, that's fine. However, don't transfer what someone else said to words of my own mouth. For that matter, I feel you are in the error to so passively and implicitly lace your "concerns" with resentful sentiments without even a hint as to whose words you are judging the person for. It was Edward Purdom that showed me the gruesomeness of the Vietnam War, who expressed his own anxieties during the draft, and his sorrow for his high school friends lost at war. You can, if you dare, tell him of his ignorance and "masking the reality of dealing death." Just because he is looking at one side of the diamond, doesn't necessarily mean he is ignoring the facets on the opposite end. It was out of good humor and colorful personality, and I stay firm in my admiration for his brilliance.

One thing I would like to point out is the millions of death humans deal every second while breathing, to bacteria in the air. It's bacteria, but death is nothing to marginalize. Ever, apparently. Putting a mask on it, its being bacteria and inferior to the value of human life, should be abhorrent to you as well.

Now you can spin whatever I say and prove me wrong, but ultimately you gain so much, in pointing out the minor flaws of a seventeen year-old's argument. My inability to be as articulate or coherent as I'd like to be, should not be the focus of the many valid points I have already made.

In terms of the implications that I am making a strong reversal/hypocrisy in my goals of being in the military, I feel as if I've explained clearly the "justifications" that I have mulled over quite some time. You should consider the point that your first sentiment is, "Do you even know what you're doing?" instead of congratulations on making it into one of the most difficult schools in this nation. So I ask you, are you truly looking upon your brothers with love if the first thing that flies from your mouth is judgment? Now you can argue you're "looking out" for me and that may very well be true. If it is, you might want to consider the implications behind your allegations, such as the blatancy of the horrendous things the military does and continues to do, and the obviousness with which I'm supposed to take those statements. If it's not, try Romans 14:13. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. Calling people ignorant, is ignorance.

If you're really looking out for me, which I highly doubt, seeing as the first thing to say is not congratulating me on the arduous journey it took me to get here, then you need to seriously rethink your vantage point. Pass judgment on me fine, because I'll always be younger than you. Never for a minute, though, think I ever was or will be inferior to you. 2 Timothy 4:12, you can look that one up for yourself. In the end, you will know who is right and who is wrong, and the first indicator will be your infuriation at the words of a seventeen year-old.

You see, where I come from, circumlocution is the worst way to communicate. Maybe I'm too blunt, but at least you won't have to play guessing games about my stance. In the end, I'm on my way to becoming an O-1, and you're talking about it. If I felt inferior, I'd try to marginalize someone else's efforts as well, and devalue the fruits of their labor as well.

For example, if I was taking 5 classes but my friend was taking 7, I'd probably say, "well he's taking 7 easy classes." Regardless of the truth of that statement, it stems from my insecurity of taking only 5 classes. "Eugene is going to be a military officer, well the military is horrendous anyways." I wonder what that kind of statement would stem from.

While you might try to mitigate the achievement of appointment to a service academy, that in itself is already a fallible stance to take.

Immortal words of Edward Purdom on the issue:

So, if you want to be a fighter pilot, I guess it's a toss-up -- both branches fly supersonic jets that can shoot/drop a lot of bad stuff. One lands on the ground the other on the ground and the bouncing ground.

I think there is a lot of cool stuff in the AF beyond the F-16s and F-22s. Were I a pilot I guess I'd like to know what it would be like to unleash the bad juju from an A-10 Warthog or an AC-130 gunship. I also find the big stuff really cool as well: B-1, B-2, B-52, KC-135, C-5. Every once in a while driving to Tahoe you see a C-5 leaving Travis AFB and I wonder how on earth they get that thing off the ground...

It's actually a toss-up if I make it into the Naval, but for now, life is SO good; this week has been so good. It definitely hasn't sunk in yet, but I'm going to be a cadet! This has been my dream since February, or to an extent, since I was young. All of my hard work has finally fallen through, and I'm going to the one place I'd want to be.

I'm going to skewer the next person that asks, "Wait, you're not going to college?" They obviously don't know much about me, and even less about the service academies. I guess I'm sick of the judgments, and I have pride in who I am and where I'm going. Here's the stats: our average high school GPA was 3.8, our SAT math and verbal 1300, and so much more. 10% of us are valedictorians, but grades aren't everything. 82% of us are varsity athletes, and 16% of us presidents or vice presidents of the class or student body, and 51% of us are top 10%. I can't see myself anywhere else; this is exactly where I want to be.

The acceptance rate fluctuates, but is currently around 9%.

Integrity first.
Service before self.
Excellence in all we do.

I'm USAFA 2014.

I have 231 days left to show you how much I love you, before I take wing and fly away.

And you can join our Undergraduate Admissions Facebook page for the latest campus and admission news.

What's wrong with this picture?

Application tracker: 3/8

Five more personal statements and it'll be 7/8.

Personal statements completed: 8.

And when all is said and done, I just don't care about Stanford at all...

I don't know which direction to go, all I have is my own willingness to comply. Can't you see that?

xkcd speaks the truth

• a Northface, or similar knock-off
• flops
• new iPod cassette adapter

Everything about it should have been terrible though. At church last night we decided to have KFC for dinner, and so my stomach wasn't really feeling so hot. I had to defecate that night and was still feeling unsettled as I went to bed. The thing is, I went to bed around 11:30. I woke up at 6:15 because I wanted to make sure I would be on time, since I was taking BART to Berkeley. My test was scheduled for 7:45 arrival time. Usually, I'm out the door by 7:10 if I wake up at 6:30, but I didn't know if that would cut it in case the train didn't come for a while, so I decided to wake up 15 minutes earlier.

I got there about 7:15, and I was kind of confused. My math was way off I guess. I got prepared a lot faster this morning--lately I've been forgoing showers to have QT in the morning, which wakes me up a lot better than showers do I've come to realize. It's also just a great way to start, and stay focused. Berkeley was slow too, so nothing really happened till about 8:15 anyways, which meant a lot of waiting.

I guess the old me would have been tripping about how much sleep and how that amount of sleep dictates my barometer of energy. I don't think that way anymore; you either have energy or you don't. Thinking about how much you slept, or didn't sleep last night doesn't directly affect how energized you feel now. Numbers are just numbers. If you're tired, you probably know why, but if you're not, don't question it. If it's not broken, you usually don't need to fix it.

It was good. I felt very confident about the majority of the questions. I think I skipped a total of 3 or 4 questions, and there was one I know I messed up on the math section, but besides that I'm pretty optimistic. I'd like to have at least 2100, but I'm really hopeful for better.

I just feel like there was so much about the testing that could've made it bad. I didn't sleep much, my stomach was unsettled (I felt like I had to crap in the morning but I didn't so it just hurt), and I woke up about an hour earlier than necessary. None of those circumstances bothered me though, because what's the point of fretting over them? I took a good test, I'm glad that I ended the SAT on this note, and I'm so grateful that I didn't have to study for it. Hopefully the culmination of my hard work as a student of the years can buffer for the complete lack of studying I did for both SATs and ACTs that are so important to my entrance to college. Plug it into the equation, shouldn't I have done pretty horribly?

I've seen so much, and changed so much. On one hand, people tell me that I'm far ahead, while the rest tell me that I've still yet to go quite some ways. I could use a map. I'm not sure what to believe really, and it's hard to say which mindset is more beneficial to my motivation and progress. It's just painful to see friends rip and tear at each others' throats, just to protect their own. Sometimes, the best defense isn't a good offense.

Why can't you just let go a tad tiny bit, of your own insecurity and break this cycle. Why do you push others down, to feel your own sense of superiority? I'll just tell you now, so you know, because I'm not stopping any time soon, but in the event that I did, you can feel great that it was your wish to see others fail, that will always hold you in a timelock of the loneliness you pity yourself for. It hurts to hear what you think, but what you think does not affect the trajectory of who I am, or who I will be. Maybe some day you'll realize I never turned around and said, "Hey, suck it, everything you ever thought you did well, I did even better and I did it easily." I wish I could say that, but then I'd be right there in the mud pit with you, playing your stupid game, knowing I should have left and grown up. Funny when you're older than me right?

I'm frustrated. What can I do to make you see? Have I not done everything in my power already? Have I not stayed my own hand and chose mercy rather than anger? You're playing with a lighter in a gunpowder factory, why don't you just give it a rest?

Soon, maybe you'll just realize that you maybe have been further ahead down the road, but you decided that looking backward and causing your brothers to stumble kept you in the lead. It's a shame, because I'm looking forward and my acceleration is fine, if not significantly greater than yours. You can play around but your headstart is running out, and fast. I'm passing you like a football, and frankly there's nothing you can do about it. You're far too detached from me, lost a great majority of your inertia, if you had any to begin with, and you're looking the wrong fucking direction. Yeah, you got me mad, have your song and dance, but my anger is circumstantial, and trivial at best.

BCT - 262

Things on my mind: AP Comparative Government: I'm not taking the class, but I want to. It's a love-hate thing, but I sit in during fifth period because I have a hole, and I can take the AP test. SAT: Maybe since this time I have next to no pressure on me, I'll do stupendously better. How badly do I want a National Merit Scholarship? I want the prestige far more than the money. Cross country: Why do I still suffer from shin splints? When will my body fully develop? This sucks so bad, I am definitely willing to push it to the limit; not my lack of energy or dedication hinders me, but my physical development. Tired of taking time to complain about things I can't fix, leave them be. Reading: I want to read more in my spare time, instead of sitting around doing close to nothing. SYATP: Maybe I really just can't handle any more than what's on my plate. I should probably finish what's on my plate before I take more, but it's just so agonizing.

There's just SO much. I wish I could funnel it all and sort through the crap, prioritize some of it, filter more crap, and then just focus.

Focus.

Then it's gone again.

Why don't I tell people things? Do you need to protect a secret that much?

Here is one of the hooks to the personal statement I'm working on right now:

Somebody asked me once, “What is the most difficult thing to lift up?” I figured it was a sentimental question, so I pondered for a few minutes, then replied, “Each other.” A wave of amusement danced over his face. I silently rejoiced, quite smug at stumping his trick question with my stupendous intellect. His gaze turned distant and he answered me, “No, stupid, your eyelids are the heaviest things in the world.”