It's actually a toss-up if I make it into the Naval, but for now, life is SO good; this week has been so good. It definitely hasn't sunk in yet, but I'm going to be a cadet! This has been my dream since February, or to an extent, since I was young. All of my hard work has finally fallen through, and I'm going to the one place I'd want to be.

I'm going to skewer the next person that asks, "Wait, you're not going to college?" They obviously don't know much about me, and even less about the service academies. I guess I'm sick of the judgments, and I have pride in who I am and where I'm going. Here's the stats: our average high school GPA was 3.8, our SAT math and verbal 1300, and so much more. 10% of us are valedictorians, but grades aren't everything. 82% of us are varsity athletes, and 16% of us presidents or vice presidents of the class or student body, and 51% of us are top 10%. I can't see myself anywhere else; this is exactly where I want to be.

The acceptance rate fluctuates, but is currently around 9%.

Integrity first.
Service before self.
Excellence in all we do.

I'm USAFA 2014.

I have 231 days left to show you how much I love you, before I take wing and fly away.

And you can join our Undergraduate Admissions Facebook page for the latest campus and admission news.

What's wrong with this picture?

Application tracker: 3/8

Five more personal statements and it'll be 7/8.

Personal statements completed: 8.

And when all is said and done, I just don't care about Stanford at all...

I don't know which direction to go, all I have is my own willingness to comply. Can't you see that?

xkcd speaks the truth

• a Northface, or similar knock-off
• flops
• new iPod cassette adapter

Everything about it should have been terrible though. At church last night we decided to have KFC for dinner, and so my stomach wasn't really feeling so hot. I had to defecate that night and was still feeling unsettled as I went to bed. The thing is, I went to bed around 11:30. I woke up at 6:15 because I wanted to make sure I would be on time, since I was taking BART to Berkeley. My test was scheduled for 7:45 arrival time. Usually, I'm out the door by 7:10 if I wake up at 6:30, but I didn't know if that would cut it in case the train didn't come for a while, so I decided to wake up 15 minutes earlier.

I got there about 7:15, and I was kind of confused. My math was way off I guess. I got prepared a lot faster this morning--lately I've been forgoing showers to have QT in the morning, which wakes me up a lot better than showers do I've come to realize. It's also just a great way to start, and stay focused. Berkeley was slow too, so nothing really happened till about 8:15 anyways, which meant a lot of waiting.

I guess the old me would have been tripping about how much sleep and how that amount of sleep dictates my barometer of energy. I don't think that way anymore; you either have energy or you don't. Thinking about how much you slept, or didn't sleep last night doesn't directly affect how energized you feel now. Numbers are just numbers. If you're tired, you probably know why, but if you're not, don't question it. If it's not broken, you usually don't need to fix it.

It was good. I felt very confident about the majority of the questions. I think I skipped a total of 3 or 4 questions, and there was one I know I messed up on the math section, but besides that I'm pretty optimistic. I'd like to have at least 2100, but I'm really hopeful for better.

I just feel like there was so much about the testing that could've made it bad. I didn't sleep much, my stomach was unsettled (I felt like I had to crap in the morning but I didn't so it just hurt), and I woke up about an hour earlier than necessary. None of those circumstances bothered me though, because what's the point of fretting over them? I took a good test, I'm glad that I ended the SAT on this note, and I'm so grateful that I didn't have to study for it. Hopefully the culmination of my hard work as a student of the years can buffer for the complete lack of studying I did for both SATs and ACTs that are so important to my entrance to college. Plug it into the equation, shouldn't I have done pretty horribly?

I've seen so much, and changed so much. On one hand, people tell me that I'm far ahead, while the rest tell me that I've still yet to go quite some ways. I could use a map. I'm not sure what to believe really, and it's hard to say which mindset is more beneficial to my motivation and progress. It's just painful to see friends rip and tear at each others' throats, just to protect their own. Sometimes, the best defense isn't a good offense.

Why can't you just let go a tad tiny bit, of your own insecurity and break this cycle. Why do you push others down, to feel your own sense of superiority? I'll just tell you now, so you know, because I'm not stopping any time soon, but in the event that I did, you can feel great that it was your wish to see others fail, that will always hold you in a timelock of the loneliness you pity yourself for. It hurts to hear what you think, but what you think does not affect the trajectory of who I am, or who I will be. Maybe some day you'll realize I never turned around and said, "Hey, suck it, everything you ever thought you did well, I did even better and I did it easily." I wish I could say that, but then I'd be right there in the mud pit with you, playing your stupid game, knowing I should have left and grown up. Funny when you're older than me right?

I'm frustrated. What can I do to make you see? Have I not done everything in my power already? Have I not stayed my own hand and chose mercy rather than anger? You're playing with a lighter in a gunpowder factory, why don't you just give it a rest?

Soon, maybe you'll just realize that you maybe have been further ahead down the road, but you decided that looking backward and causing your brothers to stumble kept you in the lead. It's a shame, because I'm looking forward and my acceleration is fine, if not significantly greater than yours. You can play around but your headstart is running out, and fast. I'm passing you like a football, and frankly there's nothing you can do about it. You're far too detached from me, lost a great majority of your inertia, if you had any to begin with, and you're looking the wrong fucking direction. Yeah, you got me mad, have your song and dance, but my anger is circumstantial, and trivial at best.

BCT - 262

Things on my mind: AP Comparative Government: I'm not taking the class, but I want to. It's a love-hate thing, but I sit in during fifth period because I have a hole, and I can take the AP test. SAT: Maybe since this time I have next to no pressure on me, I'll do stupendously better. How badly do I want a National Merit Scholarship? I want the prestige far more than the money. Cross country: Why do I still suffer from shin splints? When will my body fully develop? This sucks so bad, I am definitely willing to push it to the limit; not my lack of energy or dedication hinders me, but my physical development. Tired of taking time to complain about things I can't fix, leave them be. Reading: I want to read more in my spare time, instead of sitting around doing close to nothing. SYATP: Maybe I really just can't handle any more than what's on my plate. I should probably finish what's on my plate before I take more, but it's just so agonizing.

There's just SO much. I wish I could funnel it all and sort through the crap, prioritize some of it, filter more crap, and then just focus.

Focus.

Then it's gone again.

Why don't I tell people things? Do you need to protect a secret that much?

Here is one of the hooks to the personal statement I'm working on right now:

Somebody asked me once, “What is the most difficult thing to lift up?” I figured it was a sentimental question, so I pondered for a few minutes, then replied, “Each other.” A wave of amusement danced over his face. I silently rejoiced, quite smug at stumping his trick question with my stupendous intellect. His gaze turned distant and he answered me, “No, stupid, your eyelids are the heaviest things in the world.”

Please don't leave.