How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Psalm 13

They pronounce "USAFA" like "Mufasa" except dyslexic, and without the M.

-- Solution, Hillsong

I've been thinking about competition a lot recently, and its inner workings I suppose. I'm very competitive, which can stem from a plethora of motives, but I'm growing out of the more futile aspirations. There's always going to be someone faster, stronger, smarter, whatever.

What makes an inspiring warrior? There are good fighters, there are bad fighters. An inspiring warrior is the one that keeps fighting. A good fighter will meet his match someday, a bad fighter will get pummeled. But a true warrior will keep training even if he's the best, and especially if he's the worst.

I’ll say a prayer for Vincent, I’m sure, if he’s anything like you he’ll make a great officer in the Navy. And no you didn’t offend me at the least, I kind of thought you were religious. Glad to hear you believe, it will help you all of your life.

-- Tim Baird, ex-Navy, father of a plebe at USNA

10:08:11 PM Vincent Yang: well it makes me proud when ppl assume that ill do great things when they think of you

In any case, it bothers me. Why does it bother me? Maybe I should focus on my own game before criticizing others. Is that the case? I guess patience will answer all of my worries. Rash actions hinder the highest degrees of competence.

I had an onslaught of verses come over me, as I was reaffirmed that everything I was saying, though I was scared out of my mind that it was my pride and too bashful, was completely necessary. How's that for unclear, complicated sentence structure?

My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.
1 Corinthians 4:4

If it were all up to you, why would you ever do anything wrong?

They claim to know God, but by their actions deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.
Titus 1:16

True disciples are few in nature. Don't play off like you're one, when you're clearly not, you only lead more astray. I wouldn't dress up like a police officer, because in the event of a crime, I'd probably be relatively helpless. You're getting in the way of the real workers, and yeah, there are few.

All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
Matthew 10:22

So if you're having the time of your life, that was good. The rest of us have trouble just standing at our feet for what we believe in, and you're definitely not alongside us. We can only take the flak you would otherwise be under for so long. When you desert us, we'll cry and our hearts will be wrenched, but guess what, we've been in this fight for so long, and we're used to it. The end of my day will be more satisfying, but don't for a second think that we abandoned you. You might, but you've been hiding behind us since day one, and we've been fine with it, thinking you'd follow our example and take up your mantle.

And if I'm wrong, I'm begging you, please prove me wrong. Tell me I have not wasted my time, trying to nurture the soul of someone I care about more than most. I am absolved, not because my conscience is clear, but because I have been told to stop trying. But you know me, I'll never quit. Not by a long shot, because

people need me, I have to do it.

The call of duty is encapsulated in that, courtesy of the latest (awesome) episode of Burn Notice. Sometimes I don't like it. Sometimes it's dirty, but I've got to. Not for me, but because of them.

Did you know that not all helicopters take off vertically?

Quote from my NROTC scholarship letter: "NROTC produces the finest Navy Marine Crops officers to serve our country." Written to me from CJ Stein, not even a military officer (I wouldn't expect a military officer to make such a blatant error.) I'm assuming from the nature of this letter, that this was sent to every recipient of the NROTC scholarship. Embarrassing.

I've been in the Navy all me bloomin' life, sir. Me mother was a mermaid, me father was King Neptune. I was born on the crest of the wave and rocked in the cradle of the deep. Seaweed and barnacles are me clothes. Every tooth in me is a marlinspike; the hair on me head is hemp. Every bone in my body is a spar, and when I spits, I spits tar! I'se hard, I is, I am, I are!

Because the truth is,
Hope is always there.
Strength is found in weakness.
You don't know you're healed until you decide to take the first step.

You're not paralyzed any longer.

On a side note:

Go Navy. Beat Army.

I need to get slammed back into reality.

I'm learning how to bear the emptiness, to wait for the spring that never ends. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Patience is what I'm learning, and though it sucks, I'm waiting for something awesome, and it won't fail to meet the standards. I'm ready to become me, and right now I'm doing everything I can to prepare myself for those steps; I couldn't live any other way.

Inspire.

Yesterday, I took a Physical Fitness Assessment for AFROTC. I should've actually ran to prepare for it but I did well enough. I got my H1N1 flu shot on Tuesday and my left shoulder was slightly sore but that didn't affect me too much. I still did 59 pushups in 1 minute, which was kinda sad because I really wanted to do 60. For my Candidate Fitness Assessment to the Service Academies that I did 3 months (eons) ago, I did 60 pushups in 2 minutes.

Which service do I want to go to? I'm saying Air Force, but I don't know which one I want anymore. Do I really see myself at West Point or Annapolis? I'm not too certain... Either way, gotta keep pushin' em out.

What will you remember?