foxy

Tied up in ancient history
I didn't believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

January 1st. Another year, gone. Its only been a day and I already really miss 2007.
I feel unaccomplished, and a little disappointed. School starts back on Monday, and I haven't done anything significant. I mean, not like I expected to, but I was hoping. Something not school related that is, because I have school stuff to do and I haven't done any of it yet.
Huh, I guess that should be one thing to get accomplished this break.

Btw, I'm hoping to get my blog decorated and all nice looking by the end of summer. Yeah thats a long way to go. Which is good. Gives me a huge amount of time to procrastinate.

Hoping to update my wardrobe soon. In need of some major shopping. Maybe a haircut, too.
This time, no window shopping! If I like it, I'll buy it. No more indecisiveness. But arrggh, shopping is so hard.

"Brighter Than Sunshine"

Pride can stand a thousand trials.
The strong will never fall.
But watching stars without you,
My soul cried.
Heaving heart, is full of pain.
Oh, the aching.

^ I actually skated to that song up there. Of course, I got second to last place.
The "ice skating industry" is really rough and tough. I've seen numerous kids cry because their coaches push them way too hard. You fall once during your program run? You do laps. And its impossible to do laps because you're already dead from your program run. Then your coaches beat you to the bone, making sure you never fall again. Which is humanly impossible.
I wonder if anyone's ever taken steroids for ice skating. Or even thought about it. Eww.

So, I think I had a dream last night. My mom went something like, "A while ago, you were so popular! You'd always go and hang out with your friends. Now, you have like, no friends and you never go out anymore."
Oh wait. That wasn't a dream. That actually happened. Looks like I'm not the only one noticing my dead social calender.

Don't you hate it when you're promised something that makes you really really excited and happy and you start getting anxious, and the day just seems to drag on forever? And then before you know it, its canceled? Well, yeah.
I was promised by my mom that we'd go out. You know, because I haven't been out of the house in SO LONG *hint hint*. So I was looking forward to being out and about, doing something! Then the next thing I know, my mom doesn't want to go. So now I'm just feeling faineant again.

Bored bored bored bored. And all I can do to busy myself is to eat. Yums.

Friday night's such a beautiful night
Where you going?
I didn't mean to blow it
You're upset and I don't know what I said
But I'm sorry
Don't you give up on me?

We'll see how this goes:
1. No more soda. (How will I live?!)
2. Drink more milk. (Eww.. Not a huge fan of milk.)
3. Run, play tennis, stretch, yoga! (Yay exercise.)
4. Read. Write.
I'll probably think of more later.

God! This storm is creepy. The winds blowing vigorously, rain pouring at the weirdest times, and THUNDERSTORM tomorrow!! Yesss. And I finally have things to do for the weekend. And some of it is actually productive!

In dire need of sleep. Didn't have much last night; too much talking.
Mmm.. I love sleep.

"Making A Memory"

Life is too short to have sorrow
You may be here today and gone tomorrow
You might as well get what you want
So go on and live, baby go on and live

Going a little oldies with that one. Aaron Neville.

Baked brownies and finally watched Dreamgirls. Its definitely good.
I feel pretty special when I know someone famous through a chain of people. My friend's cousin's friend's friend went out with the lead singer of a band. And she broke up with him, so he wrote a song. The song's really well known 'cause its played on the radio a lot.

I think I realize maybe the reason why I feel so.. insecure, self conscious, open, unable to talk is because I'm blogging too much. Who would've thought. Then again, I could just be shoving the blame on blogging, refusing to believe its really me causing the problem.
So, like everything else I do, I'll test out my hypothesis. No more blogging. Then we'll see what happens. And I really mean it this time.

Besides, nothing lasts forever. Unfortunately.

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along

Spinning, laughing, dancing,
to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone
Norah Jones.

I'm not sure with what I want to do anymore. Not only with this blog, but with my time. I can't decide. Debate camp? Or ATDP? Urgh. I feel like I'm left in the dark. I'm still waiting for that push or pull factor; motivation, to help me decide. But its not getting me very far.
Its basically a decision between what I should do, and what I want to do. And usually, I do what I should do. And I'm not so sure if thats the greatest thing in the world.

Both options overlap each other. I can't take both. I wish I could though. Not to mention, I have to decide really soon. I can't do that with the limited amount of time that I have. Applications for ATDP are due in a month, and I'm already late with Camp registration. Argh!

Also, I need to study for finals. Which I have been doing for the past three hours. And I don't know my schedule for next semester. AND I have piano theory to do, AND an ice skating test I need to take extremely soon. And I was thinking about joining the track team...

The no more drinking soda thing has gone pretty well. Until I accidentally drank this carbonated apple thing. Going 9 days without blogging wasn't that bad. I think I'll do that more often.
Found out "the gang" went to see Juno yesterday, without me. I guess social groups work well with only even numbers. Groups of five just don't.
Mean Girls- Four girls. Sleepover- Four. Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants- Four. The Breakfast Club- Group of five, but that one nerdy kid was left out. Recess- Group of six; even numbered.
I could go on.. but I don't think I could handle it.

Nearly had a heart-attack when I saw this:

But I mean, its not like I spend my free time looking up hot guys. Pfft. Chyea right.

The final movie of Harry Potter is going to be released in two parts. They're supposedly going to try to put in as much detail from the book as possible. Jeez, finally.

Finals are over. Disappointed in math because as I was walking out of class, I remembered so many things I did wrong. Tomorrow's the last day of this semester, so I feel like there's no point in going to school. I need a break. This whole time, I thought my second semester of school would be so much easier. But its only gotten busier. I've piled on numerous activities for me to do. Doubling up on math, taking two classes at the same time (French- block 4, Debate- block 4a), and juggling so many out of school and in school "hobbies".
I'm so confused in the head. ATDP? Or debate?; The on going discussion in my head. Track team, or mountain biking? And there's a mountain biking camp over the summer? Do I want to continue with piano theory? What am I gonna do about ice skating now? Once I've passed my Senior Moves-In-The-Field test, what am I suppose to do? Do I want to continue with debate next year? I've even given up my Saturday's to learn the bass. And now, they're expecting me to do it again this Saturday?!

I wanna try new things, and have the freedom to say, "I don't like this anymore. I feel like stopping." Is it unethical to quit something you've started, just because you've lost interest?

I feel like the weight of not only my world, but other people's world is on my shoulder. Like I'm taking up so many things to please others. I feel like so much is expected out of me.
There's a difference between trying new things, and doing too many new things. And right now, I feel like I'm purposely busying myself. A lot of people I know say, "Oh, I wish I did that when I was a freshman." So now I feel obliged to do everything I can my freshman year, so I don't have to look back and say that. But with so many decisions to make, how can I buckle down and find out what I want, and what I'm doing for others? I don't want people around me to influence my decisions, but.. I need help.

Overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated.

.. You're burning up the corridor.
(Grease Lightening, go Grease Lightening..)

I suddenly have an amazing urge to go to a drive-in movie theater, and watch movies. Just like in Grease. Never been to one, but hoping to one day.

New semester classes are crap. Yes, I'm bitching and moaning, but I wouldn't be if there was something I could do to change them. I probably could, but I'd have to give up on opportunities. Opportunities that will probably never happen again. So I'll shut it for now.

Haha, I love how I can say damn, crap, bitch, and shit infront of my mom, and not get any dire consequence for it XD
Cursing; completely immature. But hey, I'm immature. Yipee for young America.

We got to pick out French names in class today. Yay! There were so many to pick from. I chose Amandine which supposedly means "little almond" in French :D
There was a Blaise one for guys.. which I really like. So I'll be a Blaise in French 2 next year. Heehee.

When you can whistle with your nose when you exhale, you gotta know somethings wrong. Stuffy nose= icky. I'm even talking like a dumb butt. All nasal like. Eeewwwuuhhh. XP

No first block means I don't have to be in school until 10! Heck yessss.

There's just one thing I extremely despise, and thats being pressured into doing something I really don't want to do. Like for instance, this morning I already decided I wasn't going to go to church. Well, that didn't sit too well with my dad.
"We're leaving at 11:30. Go get dressed. "
"I'm not going."
"Why not?? Do you not feel well? Are you physically incapable of getting up?"
"*mumble* I dunno. I just don't wanna go. "
"You have to have a reason."
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts, I have a stuffy nose.."
"Can you go or not? If you can get up, you're fine."
"FINE! I have homework, OK?!"
"Then you shouldn't be watching TV! Go do your homework. "
"GOD FUCKING DAMN!!"

Of course, that little outburst didn't happen. Being pressured is something I really never liked. But I guess it depends on what I'm being pressured on. Going to church, is something I can't handle being pressured to do. And then they start guilt tripping you into it. Thats what I hate the most. You show up next Sunday, and everyone asks, "Where were you? We missed you." And so on, and so on.
I feel like rebelling. Maybe its my teenage instinct thats telling me to. Or maybe I'm being influenced into it. Either way, I can't stand being locked down.

Wow. I can't believe it took me this long to find out WHY I wore red on Matrix Day. Granted, it was a red shirt instead of a "skanky" red dress, but it was suppose to be the same.
I still don't get how I was conned into wearing red. I didn't even know what kind of meaning it held. I just assumed it was for kicks. But now I understand. I'm surprisingly amused at it, yet I feel so unworthy.

Yea, I watched The Matrix. Haven't finished it all, and there are gaps between some scenes. But thats only because I was hiding behind my jacket the whole time :D
Its not gory scary, but its suspenseful jump out at any moment scary. >:[

I also watched Titanic last night. OMG Leonardo DiCaprio is adorable!! Rose is stupid. She could've saved him. But nooooo. She had to hog that piece of wood.
Bleh.