foxy

I think I'm masochistic. I think. I'm not totally sure because the definitions are a bit vague. But whoa... I'm just proud I even know the word. Masochistic. As you can tell, I'm still in complete and utter shock. Like they actually have a word for this?!?!
Dang, I feel really shitty now. I find pleasure in causing myself or other people pain?? Err.. thats not normal. Its more like I find pleasure in causing myself or other people emotional pain. Thats still pretty bad, but I mean, come on.. I'm not a sadist. At least I'm not cruel.. or a cannibal. So its not that bad, right?

*Sigh* great, I just totally turned off every potential friend I could ever have. I'm not crazy, I swear. I'm still nice!

Moving on...
Ice skating has been good. 3 more weeks until my test. That means conditioning, training, and being extra careful I don't injure myself. I'm in health freak mode, so I'm shunning anything to do with junk food. Yes, that includes soda and everything else I normally eat.

I have a new hero: My English teacher. He's completely nerdy and dorky, but knows so much stuff, its almost like a I-Can't-Believe-His-Brain-Can-Fit-All-That sort of thing. (We all think he's a Vampire because of his wit, dorky-but-cute looks, and that scar on his neck. But he denies it.) I wish I was as smart as him, but that'll never happen. Not until I'm 30, have two kids, and have gone to South Korea. I'm determined to read more, and expand my vocabulary. Maelstrom. Voilà! Expanded vocabulary already :]

I keep trying to better myself. Like, be more patient, be less quiet, read more, care more, be selfless, be.. well, near perfection. But with this whole masochistic thing, I don't know how this is gonna work.

Oh. My. Gosh. The trailer for Twilight is finally out. But of course, as a true die-hard fan, I've been following constant updates on youtube, MTV, and Stephenie Meyer's website. I've been thinking about even buying a I (heart) Edward t-shirt :D

The Twilight trailer is a little short, and Robert Pattinson looks just too adorable, but it'll do. *Sigh* I can't wait for December. Until then, I'll just have to keep rereading the Twilight trilogy. Until the fourth book comes out I mean.
I loved Harry Potter only because of the actors in the movie. So basically, I loved the Harry Potter movies. But with Twilight, I love the book. All of it. So of course Twilight beats the snot outta Harry Potter. But I, like the rest of the Twilight book fans, will create a peaceful riot if the movie leaves out any important, key facts. I already dislike Catherine Hardwick, the director. Hopefully I don't distaste the movie.

Just 7 more months for the movie.

Totally pumped for Great America this Saturday. Riding awesome roller-coasters, listening to a bunch of bands, getting sunburned in the sun, tanning my oh-so-pale shoulders. Oh yea, sounds like my ideal weekend.

Although, I have but one concern: My back. Just recently I went to the chiropractor and they took an x-ray. My spine is.. hm, bent? Tilted toward the left. Maybe thats why my ice skating has been so crappy. So now I need to undergo treatment. Yay! I had my first taste of it yesterday, and it hurt real bad. I wonder how long this has to keep up.

Should I still ride roller-coaster's in my "condition"? Hell yea. Nothings gonna stop me from getting my thrill from riding roller-coasters.

Update: AHH! I'm too exited for Saturday's concert! Great America + a concert= THE BEST! Though they're not my favorite bands, its still cool because they're famous! Autographs anyone? I already have a Kutless autograph.. but one can never have too many :]

On a completely different note, it was Fear Factor (minus all the stunts and athletic stuff, so basically just the gross eating) in French today. Seeing as how I'm not a fan of cheese, it was Fear Factor-like to me. We also had to eat puréed chicken liver as a dip for a good grade. "Pate" as they call it. Now don't tell me that doesn't sound disgusting.

I remember someone telling me once that someone died from going on Drop Zone in Great America. Well, last time I went to Great America, there was no line for Drop Zone at all. Everyone around me eyed the ride with suspicion, but no one rode it.
So today, I'm riding it. Psh, how cares if someone died. Oh... well, I mean I care. Whatever. A little adrenaline rush never hurt anyone.

I'm way to excited for later on today. I mean, when I get pumped up about something, I usually get disappointed. With high expectations comes disappointment. So I should lower down my expectations for Great America. That way, I won't be disappointed.
However, I look at my life that way. I lead my life trying not to have expectations so I won't be disappointed. But I think its pretty inevitable to have hopes, expectations, and dreams. So its therefore inevitable to be disappointed.

At least.. thats how I look at it.

AH! So wow, that concert was awesome. Switchfoot was last, and it was definitely really good. Jon Foreman (lead singer, guitarist of Switchfoot) actually came out to the audience! Of course, he was also hoarded by tons of fans. He was in the middle of the song "Fire" which I love! And low and behold.. he came to our row! I'm not a huge Switchfoot groupie, but I was screaming my butt off, going crazy. And all of a sudden, he's right next to me, and I'm staring at him. Then he grabs my hand. That adrenaline rush was way better than any roller-coaster I've been on. And I was just on Top Gun.
Then I spent the rest of the night bragging about how someone very widely known touched my hand. And that I had actual proof: Pictures, a video, my memory, witnesses. *Sigh* I love concerts. Its nice to know that I got my adrenaline rush somehow seeing as how Drop Zone never opened today.

On a totally different note, instead of being 4 different shades of pale and tan, I'm now only two shades of tan.. and a little bit of sunburn :D

Also, on another different note, today reminded me of why I always said, "Boys are so immature." Granted, not all of them are. But I'm tired of swooning over good-looking boys. I'm tired of being self-conscious everytime a cute guy is near. I'm tired of turning my back, hiding my face when I see an adorable guy. I just hate the way they make me feel; vulnerable, self-conscious, and sad.
I'm almost ready to say, "Forget boys." But I'm not sure that'll be easy.

Ah.. Kindergarten. I was well aware of cooties, but that never deterred me from my infatuations with boys. Man.. even in Kindergarten I was boy crazy. Had my first crush in Kindergarten, and that was awkward. I drew him pictures and even counted to 100 for him.
I faintly remember writing the numbers 1 to 100 in my crappy Kindergarten hand-writing one day at home. And then when I had school the next day, I hung up my back-pack, took out that piece of paper I toiled over for who knows how long, and ran past him and gave it to him. Next thing I know, he comes up to me and says, "You dropped something."

Just thinking about that memory makes me feel silly. Like all the little crushes I've had in my elementary years. For the longest time, I felt that I was way too in over my head. I felt like I was the only one in First grade that thought about marrying and raising a family. I don't know if all First graders think about raising families, or husbands, but I definitely did.
Kindergarten to 7th grade was boy-palooza. Actually, Kindergarten to now. I don't understand; what is it about great looking guys that drives me bonkers? Even in Kindergarten they drove me bonkers. And thats waayy too early.

Urgh. Me being crazy about boys is really starting to annoy me.

I want a dog so badly! For the past 3 years, I've begged for a dog. Mom's up for the idea. She's the same as me. But Dad on the other hand.. "allergic to dogs."
A lot of dogs walk past me when I walk to school, and they're so adorable! They're like best friends and loyal companions. Like in I Am Legend. Even though he's all alone (I forget Will Smith's character's name), he still has Sam. (I don't forget the dog's name) But after Sam dies.. it looks like a lonely, creepy life.

No, I don't want one of those Paris Hilton Tinkerbell sized scrawny dogs. I want a Sam-sized-dog. A dog I can cuddle and a dog that can keep up when I run.

Man... if I had a dog, at least I wouldn't feel so lonely :[

I'm getting more and more freaked out as the last few weeks of school come to an end. I'm trying to hold on as long as I can, but its proven to be a lot harder said than done. I've been so lazy these past few weeks, that I actually have a B+ in math. OK, I know, I know. "Its only a friggin' B+!" I agree, it is only a B+, but I have never gotten anything less than an A this whole year. And I was hoping to keep it that way. This is the best year I've done, but the B+ ruins everything.

Everything feels so squished in, that I'm getting a hell of a lot more snappier and ruder. Yea, I added the "er"s to them because I already was snappy and rude. Teachers get bitchy and cuss at students, and students get bitchy, and snap at teachers and parents. My snippy-ness has gotten really bad. Its like everything is caving in.
As you can tell, I don't handle stress well.

I got some tests back in math. Both of which were B's. Then I get two tests back in French, and they too, were both B's. Its astonishing how a couple of B's can totally shatter my day. Now that we're learning trigonometry, especially since we're learning trigonometry, I just feel like everything's piling on and on.
I have my ice skating test in a day and a half, and I need to prepare food for everyone, polish my skates, and repair that rip in my tights.
Then there's test corrections, retaking tests, extra credit, and sucking up to teachers. I need to get trigonometry under my belt soon, and I need to memorize tons of new French verbs, and that chart with that sin(theta), cos(theta) whatever.

This doesn't sound that bad. Especially since I'm only Freshman. But its as much as my little Freshman brain can take.

Even though I didn't pass, I'm not devastated or anything. I'm actually happy. If I did pass today, it would've meant I'd skate for fun for the rest of my life. And, well.. I've already established that skating for fun really isn't all that fun.
Judges show no mercy. Because it is Senior Moves-in-the-Field, they nitpick. Which sucks because it essentially makes it impossible for me to pass. But I get to try again in July. That means working even harder. Great, like I wasn't doing that already.

I hate being nervous. When I get nervous, my body doesn't function. I skate slower, I'm unbalanced, and I feel awkward. But when I play piano when I'm nervous, I play just fine.
If I wasn't nervous, I'd for sure pass. Grr, stupid human body.