foxy

UPDATE: <-- Around 6 PM
I was reaching that point where its either move forward, or forget it. My feelings were affecting my regular life outside of school, and I was going crazy. Somewhat. So I had to take action. In the past, I've learned that the only way to get what you really want, is to make things happen. You just don't wait for things to sort out. Talking to another person is the best way, not just sitting on the sidelines and watching it sort itself out. It takes such a toll on a person... I would know.

All those glances, lingering words, and spontaneous actions weren't even worth it. Sure, it was entertaining, but my confession and his answer just wasn't what I expected. I told him, "I like you." but he didn't hear me the first time. Nor the second time. So I had to repeat it three times. And all I get is an "Okay." and a hug? Maybe it was the way I said it... But oh man, I got a hug. That part was pretty cool. His reaction was sort of a half-smile. Like a I-totally-respect-what-you-just-did expression....

I guess, I expected a definite yes or no answer. I was hoping that by the end of today, it was either move on, or forget it. But I still don't know. He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes. Maybe it was a polite way of saying no. Either way, its time to move on. I'm done wasting 3 months on a guy that led me on, and in the end, doesn't even feel the way I feel.
Still... I'm glad I had the guts to do that. I mean, MAN that felt good to get that out there. The embarrassment hasn't settled in yet, but when it does, I know its not gonna be easy to go to school tomorrow.

There's a League Tournament this Saturday, but I have ice skating practice this Saturday and it's a really important practice (all practices are important actually...) and I haven't done any of my AP World homework. And Chem homework...

When I was sleeping last night, its like I was awake but asleep. I was thinking about not finishing my work in time, and I was worrying about missing ice skating practice. Its like my mind was never fully relaxed the whole night. I also had a nightmare. Gosh I hate those.
Why can't I manage my time wisely?!

I still don't understand what my work ethic is. Sometimes I'll feel so energized that I'll tell myself, "OK! I AM READY TO FINISH SOME HOMMEEEEWOORRKK!!!" but once I sit down, I can't get started! However, on the rare occasions I do start, I take a break every 10 minutes. I don't understand what's wrong with me, and it's so frustrating. I know what's going wrong, I just don't have enough will power to fix it.

On a brighter note, my duo partner and I got first place in one of our rounds! That felt so rewarding. And also, the synch. team that I'm in was in the SF Chronicle today!
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?f=/c/a/2009/02/23/DDDB15VD38.DTL&o=3
(In all fairness... spiral= my worse move. I failed Sr. MIF twice because of it >_>)

But with so many rewards comes a whole lot of expectations. My duo partner and I definitely need to amp up our duo interp., and our synch. team definitely isn't ready for Nationals. Especially with all the new changes and what not. I also started Drivers Ed last week, but I haven't really gotten that far because.. well I don't really know. I'm not in that big of a rush to learn how to drive. Also because I'm sort of scared to drive.

But... I'm trying to stay optimistic. I have so many wonderful things in my life that I'm happy for, that I take for granted so much, that I just can't burden myself with so many obligations and unhappy things. I don't have to question the meaning of life, nor do I have to worry about my future. I love my life, and I'm genuinely happy. Gosh that sounds so sappy, but I seriously feel this way right now. I just wish everyone else could feel the way I feel...

For a quiet heart, it has a lot of room. Either that, or my boy craze phase is kicking into full gear. So far, my heart has collected 6 possessions. Two of which are disapproved by society, one that is about to probably reject me (again) on Monday after I ask it for definite answer, and two that I never ever see. That only leaves one...

I'll leave it alone for now, because school is kind of a big deal this year... and that stupid piano theory book thingy isn't gonna do itself. Although, that'd be nice... after all, there's that piano CM when I get back from Nationals next week.