foxy

Seriously, have I grown? Physically and in maturity? I can't tell if I've changed from the person I was last year to the person I am today. The things I do notice, however, are very little things. Like the fact that I don't say "lol" so much when I type, and.. wait no, thats about all I notice.

At gatherings where I don't really know anyone, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to interact with people, or what topics to talk about. Conversations usually stop after the introductions. What's your name, how old are you, what school do you go to, what's your job.. etc. I feel helpless in those situations. I'm more of an asking questions converser than an answering questions one.

As I'm growing older, (hopefully taller) I think I'm starting to lose my bouncy childish playfulness. Am I maturing too fast?
To be honest, I don't think I'm mature at all. I'm still a kid. I don't know how to make decisions, or what I want to do with my life. I believe I can keep my emotions in check, but I really can't. I'm fooling myself into believing that I'm mature. But once people ask me how old I am, and I answer with a, "15, almost 16!" I feel so young and babyish. Sometimes I think I'm lying about my age when I say 15. Like I'm a middle aged women lying by telling everyone I'm 23 or something.

Anyways, I was just about to read, but I felt like blogging because I haven't done that at all this summer.
Quick update: Nothing is really happening.. Except that my friend's birthday was last Wednesday and my friends and I threw her a surprise party. It was stressful and now I have no more money. Needless to say, she cried with happiness and all's well that ends well. AP Lit homework is kicking my butt, and this is probably my most enjoyable summer. I had no expectations for this summer, unlike last summer, so I'm content. Happy as a clam right about now :)

To anyone who reads this, I hope your summer is going great! God bless <3

PS since I've been getting the College Board SAT Question of The Day by email every single day, I've noticed how my grammar is really... well, bad. So according to College Board, my english/writing/sentence structures suck. Sorry?

I don't know why, but it really hurts me when I see people bashing God and religion. Saying stuff like "He's a sick, bloodthirsty sadist! How could you worship such a thing." Its painful. They watch videos about anti-Christ and anti-God or stuff like that, and instantly believe what they watch. And it really just tears me apart.

During school in June, we had group presentations. There were two groups who were aiming to disprove Jesus, and bash Christians. The whole time I was watching, I felt sorrow and pain. A little bit hurt personally, but overall torn because they don't even know God created them. They don't know the love of Jesus and how much God loves them. Its like being given everlasting love and forgiveness, but throwing it all away. It makes me angry and wretched. I know God's working in them, and that He knows why they're doing it, but for a person that God created with love to throw it all away? How can you? And we're not even deserving of it!

This all started when I was youtubing some worship songs. I was instantly moved by one of the songs, and started reading the comments. (I always do that for some reason..) A buddhist commented saying how they were extremely moved and inspired by the song, feeling something they've never felt before. Another user replied saying, "That's the work of God's love in you!" The original poster said, "Well, I wouldn't go that far."
I really can't get over how horrible I felt after reading that. As a Christian, what am I doing to help spread God's love? To help expand His kingdom? When His time comes, when judgement day arrives, what do I have to show for it? I want more people to know how much God loves us, but... I feel like I keep failing. I know I get caught up in every day things and such, like.. is cussing a sin? I do that too often...

Anyways, I think I'm having an emotional overload. One thing's for sure, I'm not scared of the future. If I lay all my worries on God, then everything will be okay :)
Goodnight and God bless!

... And its not going so well. But the great thing about best friends is that they just know when you're feeling down. Another plus is that they know how to cheer you up!

Lately, junior year has been tough. I'm not used to feeling this stressed every night. And on top of that stress, my classes, as well as everyone else's, are totally messed up. I didn't sign up for photography, nor do I need the art credits. ATDP covered that for me. So now my dad is mad at me for not getting my classes changed quick enough because I might be missing important stuff from another class I actually need credits from when I clearly told him that I can't possibly do it because there are a million other kids who have worse problems than me. There's a freaking waiting list to see the counselor! Then he yells at me AGAIN for not knowing which counselor is mine because they changed it this year. Well, sheesh. I just forgot. Its not my fault there's so much on my mind.

I miss summer a lot. I guess you could say I'm not transitioning from summer mode to work mode very well. And I think I'm suppose to start studying for the SATs? Which I am completely terrified of.

Also kinda stressed about my health. Lately, well.. actually, its been going on for a long time.. but I'm starting to confuse d's with b's, and writing 4 instead of 7, and writing ODD instead of ALL (which cost me when I turned in my math homework..) and forgetting people's names and other things. Maybe that's normal? And my tummy aches every morning :(

I think I'm being paranoid. Anyways, I'm done complaining about what's on my mind. I really need to get more sleep