pink

Don't you love us anymore?

What would happen to me if I loved every single child that I took care of?

I usually don't have anything meaningful or very profound to say, write or file away in my memories. I'm not particularly good at expressing thoughts or feelings, even something simple takes so much time for me to put down in words. And then most of the time it's not even half of what I wanted.

I guess this is one way of trying to have something to hold onto when I look back and wonder what I did with my summer.

I don't like forgetting people, places, or events that were important at the moment. I don't like losing touch with people. But most of the time you try too hard and push them away, or it just ends up that you run out of things to say after a few months.

I already know it's going to happen inevitably, students going back to college, people moving away, and everyone else just going back to school and making new friends. I know that with the internet, geographic location isn't necessarily a huge issue, but distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder. That's how people lose out of touch.

And I'm really scared of leaving myself. What if I'm the one that leaves while everyone else stays?

I think what I'm trying to get to is that I'll have memories and I'll miss everyone, no matter how much I was trying to avoid a huge long feelings post. Eww, feelings. Way too messy. -_-'

This covers a lot of ground and many people, but I'm going to avoid doing the senior page-esque list because I think this is as long as it gets for me :)

"So if someone asks you: what's that pinned to your bag, how are you going to answer?"

"Uhhh..."

Yes, the pin in question was in fact a "poo pin." Still not quite sure what to tell people.

This weekend I managed not only to go totally broke buying supplies for felt pins, but also to break the scanner.

Also finnished several more pins, the most remarkable being a poo pin with the expression "Dx." I have a yard each of beige, black, purple and yellow-orange felt sitting next to me. The fabric store wouldn't sell it in smaller quantities ;_;

I start volunteer "work" tommorow, meaning that I have to wake up early to do office work in order to boost my resume. Joy.

Debating on whether or not I should bring a huge bag of felt and sewing supplies with me, but I'll probably be pretty busy without having to lug all of that back and forth. Also, I probably have better things to do with my time if I think about it.

At least the commute is shorter then Berkeley by more then an hour :)

I'm dreaming! I'm dreaming! Come on, wake up! Wake up. Wake up. It's just a dream. It's just a dream. Go away. Away. Disappear.

I just realized that I have volunteer work tommorow, but I'm sitting on the floor with my laptop watching Spirited Away. Too comfortable to move even though I have to wake up early tommorow. So I guess I'll wait until the movie is over, even though it's in Cantonese and I've seen it at least 15 times already.

Anyways, I've heard people complain that office work is the most boring job ever, but in some ways it could be a lot worse. I kind of like organizing things, stamping return addresses, sticking labels, filing alphabetically, etc. It's nice to do something simple once in a while, and know that you're doing it right.

Five hours a day can get a bit boring though, I brought my DS last time, but I think I'll work on pins next time during my lunch break. It may be stupid, but I feel a little more productive sewing then when I'm playing Cake Mania.

It's entertaining to listen to middle-aged cantonese ladies gossip with each other in the office. They're all friends and have children about my age, but they're not sure I understand them, so mostly I get left alone. The office has about 8 asian women working on paper work, and a supervisor who I'm supposed to report to. Everytime I finnish a job I have to walk past everyone to get something else to do, and I'm afraid that I'll embarass myself by dropping a stack of files. ;_;

The radio is always tuned to a station that plays songs that were popular in the '90s or a chinese news station with the tackiest ads. I think my chinese has gotten worse over the years, and this should be a chance to brush up, but I just try to tune out the radio. The stereotypical women's voices in the commercials are really distracting and melodramatic. I would listen to my own music, but I'm not sure if it would be considered rude.

One last thought, Chihiro in the beginning of Spirited Away really reminds me of myself, which is pretty sad considering that she's several years younger then me. She's indecicive, scared of everything, inept and a general klutz, which is very entertaining but you can't help but feel sorry for her. Hopefully I'm marginally less pitiful.

I finally finnished the piggy macbook cover/case today, there are several pictures on my photobucket linked up top. I used most of the pink fluffy material I had, I'll have to go buy some more if I want to make more cases/bags. By the way, the image above is of my PowerBook in the case, as I can't take a picture with the MB when its in the piggy :D

Anyways, I sort of figured out how a sewing machine works, I got a lot of help from a friend of family, so at least the seams are straight even if the sewing isn't nearly as neat as I would like.

I'm thinking about making a case/cover for my powerbook, maybe a kitty or a bear. That is if I don't get any orders to work on before that ^_^

I just noticed that this matches the case pretty well, maybe my brother won't mind me abducting his macbook for a bit...His laptop + pin + the pink case = adorablee!

Howl: Calcifer? You're being so obedient. Calcifer: Not on purpose! She bullied me!

10:37 AM I'm awake, isn't that good enough?
10:43 AM Checking to see where exactly we're meeting again
10:55 AM Prodded by little brother. I still have time :)
10:57 AM Brother wants to play Dota. ;_; No more pretty Macbooks. Guess I'll be leaving early.

Continued...

Well I just realised that Lloyd did a timetable thing too. I guess I wasn't the only one who was really excited by the reunion ^_^

Anyways, more about the actual day. Someone probably has an entire list of who attended so I'm just not going to try and then forget people. We started out in downtown San Francisco at the Apple Store by the Powell Bart station. I got to play I SPY on their kiddy computers and sit on the cute little circle cushy chairs. :D

I guess we did a lot of walking, to the fortune cookie factory, while looking for Cindy's candy store, on the way to get getlato in Little Italy, to restaurant with "drawable tables," to the candy store with giant pixie sticks and finally back to downtown to the Westfield Mall. I guess I burned some of those calories, I don't think I've ever been so full in my life.

I'm sitting here staring at the little pink cup and spoon from the gelato place, and the bracelet made of starburst wrappers is with my cell phone a couple inches away. This is probably the last major all day thing I'll be doing this summer, theres SAT and SAT2s to study for, college application essays to write and college visits to schedule. Not to mention volunteer work, tutoring and brushing up on my chem. It just seems like there isn't enough time to do everything.

School starts soon, and I've been avoiding most of the above, simply because my mom is in Hong Kong right now and can't nag me as effectively. I really need to make a dent in that list before Friday when she comes back. I know its useless to wish myself 6-10 years younger again, but I really hate having responsibilities. What happens if you can't live up to expectations?

First, don't panic! Second, don't panic! And third, did I mention not to panic?!

- Jiro Kiki's Delivery Service

Err..yes, flying hippo and poo. That's the extent of my brain-usage.

Now off to make....flying hippo ploosh!

I'll fix the css for the layout and resave images laterrr. :)

Later...

Thanks to the combined efforts of people on PChat, I think this layout now is tentatively functional. I think the sidebar is misaligned in Internet Explorer, but if you're using that shame on you!

Anyways, I had a doctor's appointment this morning, so I woke up early. After I got out, my sister gave me wrong directions, so it took about 2 hours for me to get home. Most of the time was spent shivering waiting for the stupid #43 :\

Major cleanup time is starting today, as my mom returns on Friday and will flip shit if the house is a mess when she comes back. She undoubtedly will get upset no matter how much we clean, but if we do a good enough job she might lecture us all together instead of singling us out and giving individual yelling times.

I should probably stop being lazy and work on that book of SAT Prep ;_; Why is Club Penguin so entertaining? -sigh-

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

I'm seriously dislike expectations of the "typical" teenager in high school right now. Read on at your own risk, anger makes me less then coherent.

The starting of a new school year marks the beginning of another drama filled year. No matter how much I try to stay out of it, I always end up being suck into the vortex of gossip and crushes, either by accident of because someone guilt trips me into "siding" with them or badgers me into an introduction. All that is interesting enough when I'm not involved, its like watching a soap opera, except you can sometimes influence the characters, or step in to intervene yourself.

I can't handle the drama, the tears or the false friendships. I never know how to handle it, I either plow straight through if I can't avoid it, or run in the opposite direction. I don't know what to do about the aftermaths either, which makes me a bad friend and definitely not supportive. No matter how hard I try I'm not good to talk to, even if I'm the one they go to first. I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know why I'm so angry, maybe its because I mentally have this "friends first" rule and I thought we both agreed on that. I think part of my resentment also is that we're both so unavoidably polite, neither of us will say anything if we're upset. I can't tell if she's honestly mad at me, or she's pretending or kidding so that the conversation doesn't get serious.

Yes, I'm angry I'll get over it, in a couple hours.. but bottom line: I've been ditched last minute for a date. Choices were go, be a third wheel and hang out with a guy that hates me, or not go. First choice I spend the evening being made fun of, spend money to watch a movie and feel awkward because I'm intruding on their...couple-ness. Second choice, I offend my friend and argue with her until she leaves. Guess which one I picked? :\

We both said to each other "I thought we had plans." To me that meant hanging out, doesn't matter if its not one on one, but you don't double book and if you do, don't deny it, you can't fix it. Maybe I'm being too close minded, reading too much in this situation. Last time she said that the three of us wouldn't do a 3 person thing again this summer because of the awkwardness. Was I the only one who felt it?

I can't figure out why I'm so angry. I need to let it go, but lately I feel like I'm constantly boiling over. I need to get some perspective. Either that or start doing SAT Math until I can't focus on anything else.

I'm going to look back over this in a week and not be able to understand why I was upset at all. But for now I think I need to calm down, maybe read a book or go run.

I'm sorry, I honestly don't know what's wrong with me today.

Edit~

Okay I'm not mad now, more like confused. Why am I so petty? :\

More...

This is mildly/extremely irrelevant, but I don't think it warrants another entry. So to continue my day, I've still got a lot of thinking to do, but the drama doesn't matter. What matters is the impact on current friendships, and right now the current situation is only a minor setback. It feels like a whole complicated mess, but I'm going to try to stick with it, and not run away this time.

Talking to people about this and just talking in general helps me sort out myself, as does typing this. I reread what I wrote above and most of it probably could stand to be "accidentally" deleted and I wouldn't miss it at all. But this will be here for next time I panic and hopefully I'll handle it more gracefully.

There are people in the world who are fantastic listeners, who usually give sound advice. I'll never be one, but I'll always be grateful. For now, I'll be working on that.

[23:15:32] Forward Biased: come on, Lam. Aida is hooooot :O

[23:15:33] Xan: .... >_>

[23:15:36] Xan: word

[23:15:37] Janvi: All of you guys are in love with Aida.

[23:15:40] Janvi: XD

[23:16:02] Xan: I mean.... sure Aida's hot and all...

Click for the full comic

I also added Dennis, Trev and Kyle (sorry for forgetting you guys :X) before I ran out of space. Next time I'll try for something less ambitious and go for quality. Ah well, it was fun. Sorry to anyone who I missed, the page just wasn't big enough!

You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? That idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place

-Garden State

School starts in another week and I just realised that I've done virtually no SAT prep the entire summer. Joy.

Pressure from mom/family about applying to college, how to deal with it, where to apply and how to "sell myself." Right now I just lack motivation, I don't want to write essays, study or get ready for the school year. Summer is such a lovely time :)

Also, my siblings will be leaving for their respective schools, leaving me alone with my mom. Meaning that all her attention will be focused on me. I guess its pointless to worry about something before it happens, so I'll be looking forward to reunion and shopping. Any excuse to buy more clothing/stationary supplies is good. :3

A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really..."Do the stars gaze back?" Now that's a question.

I saw Stardust today at the Kabuki Theater with a friend. The day wasn't great but I don't feel like going into details. I just hope that I don't continue to mess things up in the future.

The movie was awesome, I read some average and not-so-great reviews, and was prepared for something cheesy with an overblown fight scene. I guess some lines and the ending were sappy, but in the way that a fairytale is supposed to end, at least for me anyways.

My favorite part of the movie was the "thunder catching" pirate ship, it reminds me of the golden pirate ship that sails the sky at the end of the Disney Peter Pan movie. But of course this one is way more kick-ass. :)

It was nice to get a dose of sappy romance after the continuous stream of Disney/Pixar I watch with little kids, and the Miyazaki collection, which my sister insisted on watching. Next on the list is "Becoming Jane," that is if I can drag someone to go along with me, and if I can afford the movie ticket.

In other news, I just got my school schedule today, I apparently am taking Women Writers for my English elective, something that I most definitely didn't sign up for, and would probably be my last choice. Other classes include: AP Calculus AB, Humanitas, Cell & Molecular Biology and AP Chemistry. I should also be taking Chinese, but the schedule isn't set yet. Hopefully I can use that as an excuse to switch out of Women Writers. It's not that actual class, but the teacher that I'm afraid of. meh.

I really don't want the school year to start. Homework is going to be a killer. ;_;