pink

Thank you for making your travel arrangements on AA.com! Below is the requested itinerary that is now on HOLD until 1:59AM (Central Daylight Time) September 03, 2007.

Senior year is supposed to be easier then junior year, but because of my special circumstances it's actually a whole lot harder then I expected it to be. I've been in school 3 days and I can feel already feel the drama leaking back in the give me something extra to have a headache about. I'm taking 2 AP Classes, 2 Honors classes and then normal two English courses that I'm required to take, which is more then last year. It's not so much the workload that's getting me down, I just don't like my classmates and teachers as much this year, which doesn't really inspire me to work.

The first day of Humanitas class more or less was a lecture about how we needed to grow up, and how the majority of the students would pass then class with a few students getting an "A." It's fairly discouraging way to start the year, and I'm pretty unhappy with how I have 4 classes that I can't switch periods for, which leaves me for a pointless English elective. It's a discussion based class with about 25 seniors packed in a classroom that usually holds about 10-15.

Admittedly, I have a horrible attitude towards senior year, I'm only just starting to plan my college trips because I've been trying to avoid this ever since I got into high school. I'm not really on friendly terms with most of the senior class, which usually doesn't bother me, but I lost my focus over the summer, so I'm starting to worry about stupid things. The only good thing about going to this predominantly white Jewish school is that there are Jewish religious holidays, which I can use to visit college, so I only miss one day of school.

Even so, I've been pressured into going on this college trip by my mother, who might know how to get me into a prestigious college, but I'm not even sure if that's what I want to be. Asian kids who go to Harvard, Yale, Standford, MIT, etc. all are like trophies for their mothers to compare with other mothers. "Your kid plays violin? Well my kid has played violin, piano and now plays viola." It gives me a headache, but I don't think doing the opposite if what she wants would help me either.

That's what I did when I dropped string ensemble again, for the second year in a row to do computer art & animation on Fridays. I had a huge argument with my mother over this, she was telling me that Asian kids with straight A's and no activities were really common. I know that, I just don't want to do the activities she wants me to do. I need to find something else, join a club or find community service to do.

My mom seems to be yelling all the time these days. I don't know if it's bad to feel relieved whenever she's not in the room/in the house. I haven't been at the center of attention for 24 hours, but my siblings are going back to their respective schools really soon, and I'm scared of what will happen when I'm the only one still here to yell at.

The only relief from all of this is that I have a long weekend for some reason, so I don't have class on Monday. Things have already changed so much from the summer that my usual "friends" then are all busy with other people, so I'll be doing my work as slowly as possible, because I have no idea what I'm going to do when it's all done.

I guess it's not that everyone is busy, I just don't want to call them because they seem so different and distant around other people, and I don't really want to be sucked into relationship/pre-relationship dramas. This is the loneliest I've felt in a while, school friends are busy and PChat has been dead for about 45 minutes. It's kind of sad that I'm feeling this way, I think I've been spending too much time with family because of these stupid formal dinners with friends of family or whatever.

I thought I needed breathing space this weekend, time to figure things out and organize my homework/classes. But my real problem is with myself or other people, I don't really need to isolate, I actually need to talk and figure this all out. I just can't tell if I'm the only one who sees this problem, or everyone involved has been ignoring it, or maybe its all just in my head.

No, I know I'm old. I'm turning 17 in 5 days. Can someone kill me now and get it over with?

Yes I know that 17 doesn't symbolize anything important, but it feels like I was 9 or 10 really recently. I don't even feel 16! When people ask my age, it takes me half a second to come up with the answer. It doesn't seem that long ago when I was walking into my dorm freshman year and discovering that my blond roommate was about a foot taller then me.

Since when I did I get so old? o_o I mean seriously! 4-5 years ago I expected by 17 I would be a lot less confused, I would have grown some and that most of all I wouldn't still be a size "s." Honestly, I could still wear children's clothing, but for the sake of my self esteem, I haven't tried any on lately.

I wish I could make everyone set themselves back a year so I have time to figure out what to do with myself, and how to act my age before I turn 17. It just seems so ancient to me, like by now I should have plans for the future, or I should be more mature. I still love to collect stuffed animals, and prefer lounging around in sweats/pjs rather then paying attention to what other people my age are wearing.

I guess another birthday isn't all that important, I just can't figure out what I expect myself to do. Everyone wants something different, friends, family, teachers, acquaintances, college admissions people, I just still don't know what I want. And I can feel myself falling behind, and I can almost hear the minutes ticking away while I'm stuck in my indecisiveness.

Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world you fly,

Like a teatray in the sky.

As soon as school starts I get wrapped up in other people's lives, complaints until I start to care. It's really very distracting, especially since I probably have the heaviest workload of all my friends, or at least I'm a close second. I'm starting to getting anxious about their love lives and friendships, and this will be just like last year, I'll start caring so much that I'll be the one asking to listen. I really don't want this to happen, although it may sound selfish or disloyal, if I sort myself out, I really don't care about their problems, but I do want to stay friends. Right now I want to get into college and not fail out of any classes, and it should take priority over listening to them. I just don't know how to get this point across without sounding callous.

At the same time I know that some of this stress is definitely my fault, I enjoy procrastinating way too much, and I also like sleeping the weekend away. Both make for some boring hours in the middle of the night where I'm furiously typing away and hoping to finish homework in time to get enough sleep so I don't pass out during my first class. I really need to work on this, but at the same time, I've been procrastinating less, trying to get work done when I'm actually awake, rather then at the last minute. I don't know if my work ethic has improved, or if I'm trying to stay busy so I don't think about college.

I guess this hasn't been a great weekend for me, my mom and brother left for the east coast to deliver him back to his boarding school. I'll be more or less alone until I fly over on Thursday to do some college visiting, which I'm really not looking forward to. I also think I've lost the skill of being sympathetic and saying the right thing at the right time. A minor crisis turned into a huge one concerning a friend, and I'm pretty sure that she's still upset, but I can't feel any sympathy for her. Instead I start mentally critiquing what's wrong. There was a time where I would blindly side with my friends, no matter what situation, but right now I just can't seem to understand her.

Anyways, I guess I should start actually working, but I'll be sneaking in reading "breaks" to make sure I don't get bored and fall asleep :3

Oh yeah! First entry as 17 years old! Doesn't feel any different ._.

hey songee, good job protecting your resources against my attack. i hope you don't take to personally =)

so i realize you're already in an alliance, but i want to offer you an invitation to SAS because you're located right near the center of our big camp of villages (see map link below).

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/4669/sasdy6.png

being closer to us, we can offer you great protection as we're currently ranked the #53 alliance... and plus you wont continue to get farmed by us.

well let me know if you would like us to send you an invitation--we're looking only for new strong members like yourself.

Distractions :) Little do they know they're talking to two ruthless account sitters. Overdose of flattery much? I still can't believe that they're taking an account with the town/city name of "Plooshville" seriously.

Anyways, I'm flying to go college visiting Wednesday after school and won't get back until Sunday, I think. I'm trying to get work done ahead of time, but I can't even seem to get my homework in on time, I'm so distracted.

I'm not looking forward to seeing my mom, it's really petty of me, but I'm kind of mad at her. When she went to Hong Kong, she bought a bunch of knock-off black and white "piggy" merchandise for my birthday. (I actually have no idea what they're called, but you can find them at japan town and they're by san-x) Normally I don't mind, because there usually isn't much of a difference, but half the stuff had piggies with arms, and were strangely shaped.

She also included with her gift about 5 metal pencil boxes (again with the arm-piggies ._.) that I could "give" to friends on appropriate occasions. It's supposed to be my birthday gift, not a gift recycling afterthought. Also, you would think that most people would notice that the piggies have arms and are not supposed to, and my friends would most likely realize if I gave them all the same thing.

I guess it's the thought that counts, but she gave me a piggy bag (early so I could start school with it) to use at a school bag for this year. I really liked it, but its falling apart after barely 2 weeks :\ I guess what I'm trying to say is that she could have asked me, or just given me one thing that isn't fake, about the fall apart or cheaply made.

Birthdays shouldn't be about presents. I'll sleep on this and get over it tommorow

Maybe I've been in love with him from a long time ago

-Winry Rockbell, Full Metal Alchemist

I visited Brown and Tufts in two days, was harassed by an unending stream of relatives, friends of family and my mother and now I'm back. The sad thing is that I'm so tired that I don't have much to say, except that Brown reminds me so much of St.Pauls, but that might only be because it's in New England. But I don't have time to be nostalgic right now, I have catch up work to do.

The only other memorable part of the trip was when I stopped off in Boston and randomly bought the three most recent books (in english) of the Full Metal Alchemist Series. I lost most of my interest in anime/manga about 3 years ago when I finished watching the fma anime, but I still collect the books. Something about the bittersweet side relationship of Winry and Ed draw my interest.

I never thought I'd be one that likes angst, but in this series it's appropriate. I've already watched the anime, the second movie and I know the ultimate ending, but I'm still almost addicted to the series. I'm not sure why, but it's a welcome distraction when I have a huge mound of applications and Cell Biology homework still left to do.

I still can't believe that the end of the movie is the end of any chance for Winry and Ed to see each other again. I've always liked happily ever afters, but sad endings are always so much easier to believe then happy ones. I know their relationship isn't even close to the focal point of the series, but I still dislike the ending ._. The end of both the movie and the anime made me cry.

First of all, I hate camping out. I hate the bugs that eat you alive, the soggy lumpy ground, the dirt and dead grass that seem to get everywhere and how you inevitably wake up in the morning sore, cold, and still dead tired. Surprisingly I liked this trip, and I'm glad I went. I could go on and on about the lack of running water (except one water fountain), the port-a-potty like shacks and the annoying people, but I think I'll focus on something else instead.

On the first day, I arrived feeling sleepy and bored. Right away they shooed us off to hike to the lake where some people went swimming. I didn't, to lake water with no running water and no possibility to shower afterwards does not sound fun. But then I again I might be too focused on "cleanliness." The high point of my day was painting t-shirts, I painted a flower that took me about an hour, and then doodled a haunted house onto a size large when I found out that they had extra shirts :3

We had barbecue chicken pizza for dinner, which was interesting, I don't think I'll have it again. I think I spent most of my time either pointing and laughing at Daniel with Ali and Anna (his reactions are hilarious) and yanking on people's hoodie hoods. They call me...The Hood-yanker.

I think the part of the trip that was the most fun was right after the "campfire time" when it was dark out and we just had time to hang out. It's nice to see how people act when they're relaxed and not in school, but still with everyone else. I found out that Ali has a really good singing voice, Daniel raps about fast food and even Teddybear was slightly nicer then usual. Three people's heads on a pillow singing random songs while looking at the stars.

I'm glad that the retreat gave me a lot of time to think, I didn't get to a lot of superficial things in high school, but I think its important to leave without regrets. Graduation will be like a comma in the middle of the sentence, it helps clarify the overall meaning with a slight pause, but it is meaningless. Some people were making a huge deal about the seniority, but I think they were completely missing the point of bonding.

The trip wasn't all the boring though. There were random rain showers throughout the night that Ali and Anna both slept through. Most of the people on our tarp moved to the only shelter, which was where the campfire had been, and where we ate smores, birthday cake and chips. In the middle of the night, they were raided by raccoons, who also knocked over all the garbage cans.

I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard, it seems like the entire time I was laughing at what someone said, or how sad some of the people in my class can be. I think I've come to terms with my school, I don't have to actively hate my class, or be dissatisfied with where I am, because thats a waste of energy.

And right now I have a enormous load of homework waiting for me because I spent most of yesterday catching up on sleep. -yaawn-

Cindy drew meee! -loves- I think its prettier then the real thing but shhhh! Don't burst my bubble! So. PRETTY! :D:D:D

You've got to be jealous of cindy's talent!

This is supposed to be part of an "art trade" but I didn't expect cindy to go OMGZ LETS SHOW THE WORLD! ._.

Cindy's "OMGZ DRAWW MEEE" was supposed to be combated by fuugly drawing featuring cindy in swamp with a slimey frog-sluggoo about to eats her. x3

But I've been FOILED again! If you want to see the scribble that cindy calls a "drawing" you'll have to find it yourself. I will get my revenge! :O