pink

No, I know I'm old. I'm turning 17 in 5 days. Can someone kill me now and get it over with?

Yes I know that 17 doesn't symbolize anything important, but it feels like I was 9 or 10 really recently. I don't even feel 16! When people ask my age, it takes me half a second to come up with the answer. It doesn't seem that long ago when I was walking into my dorm freshman year and discovering that my blond roommate was about a foot taller then me.

Since when I did I get so old? o_o I mean seriously! 4-5 years ago I expected by 17 I would be a lot less confused, I would have grown some and that most of all I wouldn't still be a size "s." Honestly, I could still wear children's clothing, but for the sake of my self esteem, I haven't tried any on lately.

I wish I could make everyone set themselves back a year so I have time to figure out what to do with myself, and how to act my age before I turn 17. It just seems so ancient to me, like by now I should have plans for the future, or I should be more mature. I still love to collect stuffed animals, and prefer lounging around in sweats/pjs rather then paying attention to what other people my age are wearing.

I guess another birthday isn't all that important, I just can't figure out what I expect myself to do. Everyone wants something different, friends, family, teachers, acquaintances, college admissions people, I just still don't know what I want. And I can feel myself falling behind, and I can almost hear the minutes ticking away while I'm stuck in my indecisiveness.