pink

Stupid. I feel stupid. I had 14 days and didn't even think about consequences. Now I feel worse then ever.

When people set the standard for how much you're supposed to love each family member, its ridiculous to say its exactly equal. I can say that, but that would be a lie. Someone is always more special then everyone else. Does it have to be so unfair?

I hate being so far apart. 3 months. 3 long months of boring classes to get through with one goal in mind. I can't let myself hate school before it starts.

I'm so tired of it all already.

I don't remember who first linked me this article, but it just unbelievable. This panda has a history of biting people who go into its cage, and people still insist on climbing in. I guess you have to feel sorry for that guy though, he gets chewed up by a giant panda over a toy. Sounds like a pretty stupid thing to do.

Either way, pandas are vicious >)

How cute!

It really doesn't concern me and it still really bothers me. I guess I'm pretty ungrateful and I take people for granted. Maybe I should have taken more pictures or something, treasured the moment more. I know that everything is completely off-kilter and strange now, and its probably been that way for a while. It's easy to say that its just how things turned out, and so now its normal, but something about this bothers me. I still can't let this go.

I keep telling myself that I shouldn't think so hard about something that doesn't have anything to do with me. Whatever there was, its gone or completely changed, and this is none of my business. I know, I know, but at the same time I can't help but want to do something. I know I can't fix it. I don't even think its fixable. I can't tell if its broken, or just pulled a disappearing act on me.

So confused, but at the same time so full of regrets. There was never a "perfect moment," and there usually never is. There were many good ones though, good memories and I thought that it would go on for a while. Its funny now that I think about it. I took this for granted and at the same timeI really thought it was something really precious, something that would last not forever, but a very long time. Strange how fast it faded.

I don't know anymore. Its not that this was very sudden, I was the one who suddenly realized that so much has changed. I guess now it doesn't matter how late I realized. I'm afraid that its still too late.

Spending Chinese New Years without family isn't anything new, but it still feels strange. My mom made me hang up decoration in dorm, (its Hello Kitty!) but that's basically the extent of my celebrating. When I was younger we used to do so much more, but that was years ago.

I guess its time to make a bunch of phone calls to family. Anyways, at least I got all my red envelopes early. One of these years I'm going to disregard standard holidays/school days and spend Chinese New Years in Hong Kong :)

Umm so I'm probably not going to do anything with the layout for a while, but lets just say it wasn't working XD

Oh noes. Anyways, go take a look I added more :)

Tic Zoo