So I herd u lieked mudkipz

So I herd u lieked mudkipz tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61 2009-10-23T08:22:08Z Movable Type 3.31 tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16942 2009-10-23T08:20:06Z 2009-10-23T08:22:08Z

4th suicide in 4 months? This needs to stop. Now. People need to talk. School isn't even fun anymore. Don't leave. Come back. Where are you going? People are waiting for you....

4th suicide in 4 months? This needs to stop. Now. People need to talk. School isn't even fun anymore. Don't leave. Come back. Where are you going? People are waiting for you. Rush of Emotions and bad Apple customer service! tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16807 2009-07-22T05:14:31Z 2009-07-22T05:42:19Z

ATDP is going by so fast. I feel like I'm in a dream, almost. Except it's extremely realistic =] Well, idk how to describe it. And for a while now I've been exceptionally nervous to post things up because I...

link which made me extremely confused which turned into anger. I don't think I've ever been this mad at a particular company ever. By the way, there's a class action lawsuit going on because of this problem. It's pretty interesting, but I don't think I'm going to be needing that anytime soon. I'm going to go back to the store tomorrow in hopes to change their previous decision. For now, I guess I'll just go relax and rest up for tomorrow. I'm really conscious about the blog right now, and might opt to stop using it.]]> tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16699 2009-06-06T06:23:52Z 2009-06-06T06:28:41Z

Argh, why is this happening to us? Tuesday night was another suicide, made by a senior this time. no one could understand why a senior would suicide but idk. Yesterday night a sophmore TRIED to suicide and failed. Why? Has it suddenly been cool to suicide? What happened to these people to make them go suicide. These were all taken at the same place too, on the CalTrain tracks at one of the big crossstreets. I didn't know either of the last two so I'm not as affected by this. The school atmosphere has become extremely grim. A lot of teachers have either reduced their finals or completely cancelled them. Everyone is heavily impacted by this. tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16670 2009-05-20T08:46:12Z 2009-05-20T08:56:58Z

It's been a while. I've been apathetic for a long time, I have to admit. I've been trying to shut off some of the feelings I've had. But really, after watching Draw With Me (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvjZ6VkLuCM), I couldn't really hold it in any longer. By the way, you're a heartless bastard if you don't feel anything after watching that. On other note, it made me think about what I cherished in life. Sure, all I'm good at is complaining about how my life sucks, but in truth, I'm really grateful. My friends are errr, high maintenance, sure, but really, I don't know where I would be without them. We had a presentation given by a person handicapped in a wheelchair telling us how much little things can affect a person's life. And I started to realize, that little things add up. They actually matter. While you yourself may feel totally indifferent about it, it can drastically change someone's day. I guess, I'm finding more truth behind my community service hours. Back to the clip. I've seen that wall. I've been on the other side of that wall. That wall was most of my middle school life. Now that I look back on it, it was pretty stupid, but those days, I was actually suffering. My friends, if you could call them that, was not there for me anytime, in fact, I don't think anyone was. On the outside it was just a normal group of friends but on the inside it seems like we were a bunch of typical rival girls who backstabbed each other. (sexist much? yes.) Anyways, I was actually a bit suicidal during 7th, and actually planned to run away from home with a stranger that I've never actually met. But then I was brought an ATDP application :). To tell the truth, TIC was the third on my choices list. But fate is awesome, and it brought me to TIC. What I'm trying to say is, I'm grateful for all of you who have done little things to impact my life greatly. I would not know where I would be without you guys, nor would I want to. tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16639 2009-05-06T08:27:49Z 2009-05-06T15:44:07Z

I am at a complete lost for words.... I still can't believe it happened. My friend, can I call him that? Well... he suicided today, or rather, yesterday the 5th. It was around 8:40 AM, the time I would've left the house that day if I did not have my AP CS exam. I don't know how it happened, or well, I don't know why it happened. No one I knew, none of his teachers, parents, counselors, friends, even sister knew what was wrong with him. This is the second schoolmate death I've dealt with, the first one being in 6th grade. This time is different though... I know this guy. I mean... I still picture him, in my head right now... and it sucks, my mind is telling me that he's going to come to school tomorrow, that he was just sick today, that's all. Nothing major happened... and yet somewhere in the back of my head I know it's true, I know that he really did suicide... I feel guilty really... I've been studying for the AP exam and having fun for the entire day and well.. I had no idea. I couldn't really believe that it was him that everyone was talking about. Everyone was like "Noooo, he would never have done that" but it was true. This really makes me think about how keeping our emotions bottled in can eventually kill us. I mean, really, no one knew anything of what was going on inside his head... tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16635 2009-05-03T09:17:38Z 2009-05-03T09:34:34Z

ohhhh boiii... AP exams. -_=. Argh... I have major flu. Ofc not swine guys, I got it checked out. My english teacher actually forced me to check it O_o and then my whole class wanted me to have it so that they don't have to go to school. xD what assholes. Got runny nose, coughing all the time... does not feel good. And mmm AP exams on Tuesday. Am I nervous? Yes. How nervous? I decided to learn how to study -_- I never actually studied my whole entire life. I've been trying to avoid it I guess =/ Meh. Good thing I like my teacher. and the fact that Java is awesome. YES JAVA is awesome :) idk why I like it so much. It's just sooo appealing... haha. I love it. It feels really awesome when you run something the first time and it WORKS. :p ahhh 1:34 I should stop stressing and get some sleep >_> tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16566 2009-04-03T19:01:00Z 2009-04-06T05:01:55Z

So, I guess I haven't updated you guys in a long time, huh? Well, there's a bunch of crap going on in my life right now. I'm failing more then one class >_> I have an F in English and...

So, I guess I haven't updated you guys in a long time, huh? Well, there's a bunch of crap going on in my life right now. I'm failing more then one class >_> I have an F in English and a D in History, mostly because I don't ever do my work. But I mean, I think I could probably raise it. But I've realized that my work habits are probably a lot worse then they should be. I mean, I don't have one at all. I haven't been able to get the motivation to do homework either. A coupe of days ago, my English teacher told the class that the more disfunctional the family is the clearer the roles are in the family. Well, me, second born that is, is known as the "Black Sheep", the one that tests the boundaries and borders of everything. Which led me to wonder, is my family disfunctional? I mean, my parents are divorced and I had a pretty messed up childhood, but really, I never thought of my family as disfunctional. But now that I thnk about it, it does make since. The first born is the one who pleases the parents any way they cn.My sister, that is. Of course she would fit the role of the firstborn. An now that I think about it, I may be fitting into the role of the second born category. I don't like this though. I won't want my family to be disfunctional. I mean really, I always here about children in disfunctional families being all bad and well, I don't like it. A disfunctional family... a week or two ago, my friend was inquiring about my father. She asked me if I missed him and well, I don't think that well, I never got to know him, that's it. I hate the fact that I'm missing a family member. Not that I Know what I'm missing. I mean, all of the popular shows and cartoons portray the dad as the cheerful type, the one who saves the day. But when I think about it, I think I do miss him. I guess, I never have known what could've been a "proper family life". Fuck that though, iunno, I guess... argh, so hard to think. My mom is rarely home, and when she does I rarely talk to her. And my sister, well, I severed communications with her since she went off to college. And although we did do stuff together I don't think I was lose to her at all. I think I know what they're talking about now.. I miss her. I miss my old friends too.... shit, I missed everything. I'm such a spoiled brat I guess. I've always been able to get anything I've wanted. But really, I don't know. I went from a 4.0 GPA student in middle school to like... a failing student in high school. I guess I know what everyone was trying to tell me. HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS. While I've made friends in high school, I don't have anyone I can really talk to, really. which is why I'm really tankful of this bog. I guess I owe Kass a lot. So right now I'm heading to Anaheim, which is for a Key Club convention. It's a community service club and our "district" isall of Hawaii and California, plus parts of Nevada. Am I excited? I guess. but this well, this sucks. I mean, I have so much on my mind I probably won't be able to enjoy myself at all. I should probably stop ranting now... well, no one ever reads my blog anyways, so who cares? Heh, a disfunctional family, I'll think about it Baddy Tryouts? tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16503 2009-03-17T05:49:53Z 2009-03-17T05:52:50Z

Well they're over. Well, actually, they were over a week ago, results were posted Friday. So I didn't make it >.> How do I feel? Well, kinda angry, mad, hopeful. I'm angry because I know at least 4 or 5 people I can definitely beat made the team but not me. I'm also !@#$-ing angry because I can bagel a LOT of the girls that made it on the team. ::sigh:: if only I had a sex change... lol jk jk. But it is ridiculous how much the girls suck... And I'm mad at myself for being angry at my friends because I should congratulate them, which I did and well, I shouldn't really be angry I guess. I think there's a way to get from the Frosh-Soph team to the actual team if you can beat them... so I'm hopeful!!! Woo~ that felt like a 5 paragraph essay almost... Speaking of essay, I have to do my english one that was due 2 1/2 weeks ago... Off to work! tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16407 2009-02-17T06:13:47Z 2009-03-18T05:11:51Z

I always thought that as long as I received a good education I'd be set for life. It's like a white lie that I've always known was a white lie but never wanted to believe it wasn't true. And now,...

I always thought that as long as I received a good education I'd be set for life. It's like a white lie that I've always known was a white lie but never wanted to believe it wasn't true. And now, well, I realized, it's not always the case. I mean, right now most of the people getting laid off are people with higher educations because they're more expensive. So I guess that there's ups and downs to everything. I'm probably getting the totally wrong idea and well, frankly, I don't really want to think anything right now. Hm... oh yeah, baddy. I spent the whole last week on footwork and stuff and I've gotten a lot better since spring break. I can only hope I can make it on JV. Our school was #1 in CCS last year >.> I can only work harder and just improve my game and fitness in time for tryouts... which is in about 2 or 3 weeks. Oh yeah, and I'm also failing school, did I mention that? Badminton Conditioning tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16346 2009-01-30T05:50:44Z 2009-01-30T05:55:58Z

Ugh... freaking crazy... Friday was the first day, wasn't so bad. Ran a warmup mile, did wind sprints and stuff. Monday was muscle toning, ran a warmup mile, lunge holds, wind sprints, lines, wall squats, planks, side planks... abs hurt soo much, my ass was sore and my calves were burning >_> Wednesday was cardiovascular, ran 2.6 miles, did monster walks, airplane pushups, bunnyhops (Which hurt like hell since they were from squatting position), wheelbarrow with pushups, and inchworms (kinda hard to describe, it's like you have to keep your legs straight and move like a worm across the courts. Hella tired after Wednesday, slept for 13 hours But tomorrow is our "fun" day! Woo! We get to run to Jamba Juice which is only about .8 miles. So yeah... about 4 more weeks of this O_o tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2009:/shortkid//61.16265 2009-01-04T07:07:04Z 2009-01-04T07:09:49Z

This game is no fun. The goal is right there and yet, it's impossible to reach it. Or seems impossible, rather. There's nothing I'd love more than to reach the goal, well, maybe with a few exceptions. But with a delicate matter such as this, I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to screw up and mess it all up. But then again, the mistakes are also just part of the game. Damn... I don't want to play this game. But yet, the goal... it makes me wonder if I should just give up or not. Anyways, I'll keep trying... if I grow tire of it, I shall just choose another goal... that's the nature of this game anyways, play until you win. God, it's taking over my life... tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2008:/shortkid//61.16171 2008-12-05T05:52:04Z 2008-12-05T06:11:27Z

Got into a fight with my parents again. Well fine, my mom. I always wondered what it was like to live with a dad. In my opinion, a lot of times the dad is the happy, more carefree one that...

I compare myself to my own classmates, not even my friends, she goes, "Who cares about other people. Just because someone does it does that mean you have to do it?" and it just pisses me off. As you may have guessed, our zillionth fight was about grades, progress reports just came in and it turns out I have a C- in history and C+ in Bio. The C- was expected. The teacher is a douchebag. The C+ however, was not, and anyways, it should be pretty easy to fix it to a B. The current game now, is just to see if I can maintain that C until finals week, and hope I get a C or better on that. Should I get a D, I'd probably get kicked out + if I don't, I'd have to retake that class for the credits. It was just 30 minutes of arguing. In Chinglish. I'm sure any person would just laugh to hear our conversation. But yeah, I have a lot more experience with illogical debating that somehow makes sense so I guess I "won". but she ended it with a "now you think about this carefully" which always pisses me off because it just means she has nothing more to say and doesn't want to lose. Well, for those people who said freshman year was going to suck: Family life does suck yes, but for every other aspect of my year, It can't get much better, well, except for teacher relations, but I'll save that for another day. So, I'll just keep telling myself to uphold my promise to enjoy myself as much as I can and just take what comes. That's how life works, isn't it? What happens happens. I don't see why people dwell on it so much. As for me, I plan to just ignore this and live my life as it is. Shall it come up once too often... well... I have alternate options for housing... I hope I don't come to it though. During 7th grade, I DID consider running away, I planned out everything and stuff, and even had the parents agree. But a week beforehand the guy got in trouble with the cops and yeah... everything fell apart. And now with my sister gone, well, she was a safety net kinda, when we got into fights she would defend me and visa versa, it's going to be a LOT more dangerous and well, no more leverage. Which just makes the game funner :)]]> tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2008:/shortkid//61.16142 2008-11-29T09:21:07Z 2008-11-29T09:32:42Z

My entire body is aching. Good, though. Heh, aching good... sounds strange. I've been kinda spending time that should've gone into homework into fine tuning my bike. I've decided to ditch my frame and get a new frameset. When I wanted a new cog and crankset, I just decided to build a new bike :P Since I already had another wheelset, pedals, etc. etc. Frame coming on Wednesday! Excited as hell. Anywaysss, I've found the thing I enjoy, sorry about wasting the pad :P Turns out it wasn't for me. People say I'm following a trend. going fixie and all that. But why a trend starts is that the people who start it enjoy it, right? And while I certainly am not starting the trend, I sure as hell enjoy it. Fun feeling and all, makes a hill climb worth a lot more to you then say, on a MTB or even a regular roadie. I've never consider going back to variables anymore. Hmm school life. Can you say not good? haha Mutual relationships is pretty friendly, although well, teacher relationships can be better. Like, 5 out of 7 teachers hate me, the two exceptions being Comp Sci and P.E. Orchestra teacher is a bitch =/ She doesn't even conduct well or even play well. History, meh, I never seem to have enough patience to take notes. English? Never read a full chapter of our book, but then again, so have most of the class. I'm guessing Bio is okay, but I think my teacher thinks I screw around way too much, although certainly I'm not the MOST troublemaking student in my class. Well, scratch that, I think my art teacher likes me, so fine, 4 out of 7. That's still over half my teachers. Also funny, this guy keeps betting me on random stuff like cold washing cotton and things like that, and he owes me a total of $48 xD He's pretty stupid... mmmm, it's like 1:30 and I gotta wake up for a party tomorrow... time to hit the sack? Oh yeah... I think I have insomnia or something. It's REALLY hard for me to get a good night's sleep lately. Usually I only have to wait like 30 min to an hour to go to sleep but lately it's been taking over 2 hours. On the rare occasions I go to sleep "normally" I get nightmares, my first in like, 6 years. They're the oddest ones too. A girl always shows up in them and I always bump into stuff and yeah... weird. Also, I've been going into sleep paralysis a lot too. It's like where the mind thinks you're asleep but you're actually not but the body puts you in the paralysis condition to protect you from acting out your dreams... scary =/ tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2008:/shortkid//61.16080 2008-11-20T08:57:04Z 2008-11-20T08:57:49Z

Yeah... it's 1 AM. -_- I feel... I don't know. I want to sleep yet I'm not sleepy. I want to eat yet I'm not hungry >_> Something wrong is going on...

Yeah... it's 1 AM. -_- I feel... I don't know. I want to sleep yet I'm not sleepy. I want to eat yet I'm not hungry >_> Something wrong is going on tag:atdpweb.berkeley.edu,2008:/shortkid//61.15908 2008-10-25T06:43:43Z 2008-10-25T07:01:57Z

BLEH. BLECH. BLECHHHHH. High school is fun... too fun. I'm having trouble finding time to do homework and whatnot. I haven't spent a single weekend home yet and I'm usually out past 7 every day. I'm barely staying atop my school work. The only reason I'm still passing my classes is because I do well on my tests. I'm glad the first quarter is only a progress check, otherwise I'm screwed. On the topic of schoolwork, I want to strangle computer science tests. You lose track of parentheses and it's just blehhh all weird and no compiler given. Tomorrow is Fall Rally North though and I'm pumped up for it! Homecoming week was this week and while freshmen lost as usual, we had out moments. We won Jar Wars and beat the seniors at the obstacle course. Our air bands sucked though, but our Juniors won. It's funny that there's a mutual relationship between the juniors and freshmen. We cheer for them and they cheer for us. It seems that Juniors win this year :P Unless floats turn out well... Oh well, I'm really tired even though it's only 11 mehhhh sleep time~