I have had the most hectic past few months ever. In an attempt to reorganize everything and prepare for recruiting, I have revalutated myself and established a more intense focus on my activities. The duo has been horribly neglected and what few readers we have left should be rightfully angry and disintrested, but we do out best to come back every so often and give a glimpse of our lives. Currently, I am completely focused on recruiting and have put most things second. This does not mean however that I am neglecting them. Class, friends, and extracurriculars are still important, but I have decided I cannot enjoy them until I have acquired a job after school ends. If I do not, it will be hard to enjoy. I have not given up my everlong goal of pursuing happiness, but that happiness cannot be obtained unless I set up opportunities for myself. I sound like I’m justifying my actions to myself and if you believe this, you are entirely correct. I know what needs to be done, what should be done, and what is in my best interest so I must align my current goals to attain what my future self will want. It’s all convoluted, but sadly that is how my thinking works at the moment. Juggling a thousand thoughts and tasks, cramming gigabytes upon gigabytes of information, and in a beautiful explosion it crumbles, reassembles and organizes itself to a neat little pile of reason. I have left this entry in unrefined and raw state to give you a view inside my head. What? What indeed.
My grandmother has passed away and although I remember my memories of her. I cannot say I am moved to the point of breaking down. I am not so emotional as I was when dealing with Joyce this summer. How can someone of my own blood not cause as much emotional distress in me? Maybe, I romanticize the ideas of death and love too much, so much so that it is a fault. Maybe I just believe, as does the majority of the world, that the death of a relative should equate to emotional detonation. Does this mean I do not like my grandma? No. I enjoyed having her around very much. Maybe, I’m just cold, distant, and uncaring. Maybe, I am too selfish and too self-centered. Maybe, I’m not relgious enough. But shouldn’t the lack of belief in an afterlife cause me to be even sadder? However, I don’t deny the existence of an afterlife nor do I believe it. I’ll miss you, grandma. This is the truth. I just wish things could have been much happier for you before you went away. R.I.P. Chui King Lau. I will do my best to make you proud.